Quote:
Originally Posted by wondering soul
It sounds like it is a mixture of things. Just from what you've described, I wouldn't go as far as to label them as narcissistic (MAYBE your dad a little, but I don't get that from your mom's description so much). It sounds like stress and loneliness took its toll on them both and that after they separated, you became the one they talked to. But because they were stressed, this came out one sided. If they had both been in happier relationships, you likely would not have taken on the role of "listener" so much. Narcissism is an ingrained personality trait pervasive in relationships with all people. The question to ask yourself is how your parents related to people other than you. It sounds also like you have taken on a lot of responsibility for your dad and in doing so are in danger or becoming dependent on him financially, which can feel a bit like a prison. Perhaps a roommate? I am sorry about your mother, that must be tough  |
You're probably right. I looked up the traits for narcissistic parents and my parents have a few of them but not all. So I guess narcissistic isn't the right word for them.
What you said about the impact their separation had on them, you may be right but you wouldn't know it from talking to them. When I ask them about it, they sound like it was the best thing for them. (However, it did seem like my mother became more clingy towards me. There was a time when I would be bouncing back and forth between Mom in one state and Dad in another, and when I would leave and go back to Dad, she would always cry. This made me feel like a bad guy for leaving her, even though she didn't live alone -- her mother (my grandmother) was living with her as well.)
Regarding how my parents related to others, both of them have pretty large circles of friends and seem to be generally well-respected. (This is the polar opposite of me; I don't have many friends, and the friends I do have I don't really talk to.) One thing I will say though about my mother, some of her friends are very toxic people. She would talk about how they would call her and complain about their lives, and I would always ask why she kept them as friends. (She would always say, "I don't know...")
I don't know what you mean when you say I've taken on responsibility for my dad. We rarely ask each other for money...
I wouldn't mind having a roommate, but I need to get to a place where I feel comfortable talking to people again. I've become uncomfortable just being around people. (Ironic, isn't it?)
Thanks for your comment and condolences, and I'd like to ask you or any other people reading this a question: if you've gotten therapy for whatever problems you have/had, how has it worked for you? (I've been getting therapy on and off for five years and it hasn't really helped so far...)