Hi, InsaneGirlOut, and welcome to Psych Central! I can certainly understand why you don't want to feel. It hurts too much.

I had the opposite problem. I walled myself off from pain, and I had to struggle in therapy for years to finally be able to feel.

I am so sorry that your cruel relatives have been making your life so miserable. Please know that what you are feeling now does not have to be what you feel from now on.

You do have some choices in life, including the choice not to believe what they are telling you. And the choice to believe that the future can be better. Once you leave home, then you don't have to put up with them. Please don't give them the satisfaction that they have led you to give up on life.

As I read your story, I think of other folks I have read about who have been abused. In fact, I suggest you tell your story in the people who have been abused forum. You will discover that you are not alone. And that there are people in this world who care about you. (Weight does not matter. Believe me.) Here is the link: http://forums.psychcentral.com/survivors-abuse/