Can't very well say undead--I'm not a vampire. Still feel that I have no good life. Everything is just so bad. I'd love to just curl up in a corner somewhere and die. I'm not suicidal, but that's what I'd like to happen with all of these problems. I know that if all this continues and/or gets worse, it could get to that point. But so far, it's, I don't know, maybe something like a metaphor???? I'm not good with words right now. An expression, maybe??

I've been moving out of my apartment. It's going slow, or more like I am. I should be out tonight, but I won't. I have more things still inside to move out. I just want to end life where it is rather than to continue with it and moving and everything else. I want to begin a new life, and a much better one than I have now. I have no place to go once I'm all moved out. My guinea pig and I will live in the car, maybe. I'll stay in a tent if I can find a really cheap campground nearby. I don't know what to do with her, though, if it's really hot out and I need to go someplace. I can't leave her in the car to have heatstroke. My ex is allergic to her. I don't know many people either. I don't have air condidtioning now, but there has been a nice breeze usually with the windows open in the apartment.

I'm afraid that what if I get too stressed by everything and I get more of a PTSD thing going on? I'm afraid that things could get bad with me, my kids, and my kids T--that I might try avoiding them, or getting seriously stressed if I am around them. I like my kids T. I don't want to be angry with him when I don't need to be. I wouldn't be able to control it, though, if it did happen. He was involved in a situation with us once and I never understood why some things happened. Now I react to it a little and fear it could get worse to want to avoid him and my kids. I'm getting afraid of the emotions from these things, and with all the other stress in my life it seems to be happening more.

I just drove a half hour for 50 minutes of internet time to come here, and check email too. The BIG reason was to come here to the forums. I am sooooo going to miss you all when the library closes. I want to talk to someone, and I don't. I wish I had my T. DocJohn needs a new emoticon--one for crying. I could easily do that today.