I have two legit friends that I hang out with but I only hang out with them maybe once every 1-3 months. I hang out with my ex once a week, we're FWB's now.. is he using me? Maybe, maybe not. I'm certain he'd still like to hang out with me even if we stopped having sex but I enjoy the sex so why should we stop? That's pretty much my only escape from isolation and loneliness.. unless you count dr's appointments and physical therapy, I actually ENJOY going to appointments because it gets me out of the house and around people.. especially physical therapy because everyone's very friendly there and I get touched a lot. I joined a social anxiety/depression support group, I've gone 3 times so far.. I can't go again till next month because each group is $5 and I'm completely broke now. It helps a bit but at the same time it can be a little strange, most of the people in the group are in their late 30's - early 40's.. I'm only 25 and find it a bit difficult to relate to them beyond having social anxiety. I don't open up much unless pushed a bit and I don't offer feedback when others share their experiences/feelings and the I leave the minute the groups over, I don't stay to chat people. I'm honestly really afraid to open up to people, I'm also afraid to sympathize with people and offer supportive words.. I'm terrified that I'll say the wrong thing or that it will come off as insincere OR I just don't know what to say, nothing comes to my mind. I also don't really like talking about shared interests, I mean sometimes I'm fine with it but for the most part I see it as a competition to see who knows about a specific thing or whatever and I don't like it. I just feel so socially inept and disconnected and have no idea how to open up to people and make friends. I'm better with dating, I've gone on a couple different dates with guys within the past two weeks, it was fun but I'm not really interested in dating anyone, I just want FRIENDS.. y'know like girl friends but women really intimidate me. I think this goes back to childhood when my mom abandoned me. Maybe I subconsciously afraid that women reject me? I always feel like I'm not a good enough woman or that I'm like other woman, I'm not positive enough or happy enough and people can sense this at all times and I feel undeserving of friendship and that I'm not worthy enough to speak my mind. I'm sorry for the lengthy post but I started feeling this way a few days ago and it hasn't gone away. I'm just really sad and lonely and I'm not sure what to do about it.