Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
Growli, I think the fact that you're having flashbacks, etc, is to be expected, and ultimately, a good thing. Not pleasant, for sure, but a step toward getting out what needs to come out so you won't turn on yourself.
I don't think transference necessarily correlates with "logical" factors like age or length of time you've known the T. You've shared intense emotional experiences with this T, much the way strangers who share a crisis situation often deeply bond. There's also a kind of transference that is referred to as a "hopeful" transference: rather than project the negative expectations from past experience, it's about projecting the hope of a positive experience. This was more my experience, and perhaps it's yours, too. But don't forget that at the end of this program, you will be experiencing yourself and your emotions differently than you do now. Don't project distorted thinking into the mix.
Definitely tell your T. I seriously doubt it will throw her as it must be common in residential type situations. You may find that sharing it with her may ease the anger/panic you feel when you experience a lapse in her attention. Since the relationship is time limited because it's a residential program, I doubt she will distance herself because of your feelings.  |
Yes. I can actually agree with you that it is overall a positive despite it being beyond horrible. It's good that I'm in this super controlled environment while I'm experiencing it too. I can search for more healthy grounding techniques while not hurting myself, have intense panic attacks, dissociate while under 24/7 care and supervision. I know I can't handle them without hurting myself on my own. That's very clear.
Yes, this is a hopeful transference and not at all a maternal transference in the sense of my literal mother. I have an idea of a mother I would like very clearly in my head and I'm putting that image on her. If it were literal maternal transference, I would be pulling away from her, dismissive, and very scared around her. I guess I get a little bit of that though because sometimes I get scared that I'm "in trouble" with her especially when I'm having a flashback and she once tried to put her hand on my shoulder and tell me to release tension and I jumped away from her. It was odd to me that she did try to touch me while I was having an intense flashback but that doesn't really matter.
I think she already knows this. I can still try to tell her because I know she's not a mind reader, but she is highly HIGHLY intuitive and picks up on a lot of things I don't directly say. But there is no way she could know the extent of it or how badly upset I get over it.