So, I've had problems with many types of mental illness since I was three. The first time I was put on antidepressants I was 8. Not long ago, I was finally dx as bipolar while I was in the psych hospital.

First they gave me lithium and seroquel. The lithium made my hair fall out, made it hard to concentrate and caused a lot of stomach problems. Eventually the seroquel caused me to sleepwalk. I used to take abilify, but it caused a permanent problem with the conductivity of my heart.

After about six months on those, they switched me to depakote and welbutrin. The depakote caused serious sleep problems. I was having these short, vivid and disturbing dreams. I was lucky to be sleeping three hours a night. The welbutrin made my heart race and I'd have these weird panic attacks. And once again my hair fell out.

They told me they wanted to try risperidone, which scares me. The problems I've had my whole life with medications make this seem impossible for me. I've been on one antidepressant or another since I was 14, until I eventually went through all of the medications approved for children. As a result, I let my prescription run out and I haven't been back to the doctor since.

The one that really worked the best at controlling my moods was lithium. But it still took a toll on the rest of my life. Is being medicated worth taking these risks?