Quote:
Originally Posted by Bloem
Lately i wonder who i am, I've often wondered that only now more. I have more doubts and more trust problems. Realizing that I exist out of parts makes me doubt and think that i can not even know who I really am.
I also started doubt my sexual orientation. I'm a lesbian and I have a good relationship. I've always had relationships with women. One of my alters is straight, the others I do not know what their orientation is. I wonder how that can be so different in a person. And what does that say about me?
I do not feel bisexsueel and do not feel attracted to men.
Does anyone have experience with this?
Bloem
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my internal system of alters was what my treatment providers call "categorical" the DSM 5 calls it "distinct" short version what that means is my alters all had their own way of being, their own jobs, purposes, reasons for being. in terms of sex and sexual orientation some were straight, some were bi and some were lesbian. I the host am lesbian.
in normal every day life people do find characteristics/ things about others that they are drawn to...
it may be someones smile, the way they laugh, the way they walk, the way they sing, dress....its infinite the things human beings find that they like and dislike in other human beings.
who to "go to bed with" works the same way, as human beings we are a race that can think about sex on many different levels,.
a straight woman/guy can be drawn to a woman/man who has a great bod, smile, personality,..(example look at how many teens and adults emulate and want to be just like their movie/music/tv show idols. there are so many guys out there that find things about elvis attractive they have transformed their life into being Elvis look alikes, so many girls want to be like britney, lindsey and other idols)
theres a guy I work with, gosh is he handsome, has a great personality, always positive and helpful...but does he "get the juices flowing" no. regardless of the fact that each of my alters had their own sexual preferences I enjoy and get aroused by women.
it could have gone any way once my alters integrated. some people who have such a degree of diversity do end up being drawn to a different sexual orientation. But it all comes down to what the whole person is drawn to (that is if integration happens)
before integration for me it was just one of those things that have always been part of my life, it was just the way things were, this alter liked that and that alter liked that and this alter liked this that and the other..for me their sexual "thing" was no different than one alter liking cats and another liking dogs and another liking reptiles, and another not being animal friendly....just the way my internal system was made up...each just had their own way of being, their own job, purpose and reason for being.
my suggestion if this continues to bother you maybe you can contact your treatment providers, they can explain /help you discover how and why your internal system is the way it is.