I completely understand. The first time I had a full on panic attack I called 911.

With the intensity and frequency of what is happening to you, it would be easier if there was a medication that worked. But I understand how hard it is to find one that fits. For me, nothing really got better until I was on A LOT of meds. I just accept it, I have a lot of issues, therefore I need a lot of medication.

The mindfulness thing. I have learned in DBT that it doesn't matter what you focus on to self soothe, it's that you turn all your attention to it. In an emergency, It can be as simple as washing your hands in cold water or concentrating on a strong scent.

For general mindfulness you can do what ever you want as long as you like it and can focus on it. I like to color mandalas, read tarot cards and pet my dog.

I hope you feel better soon. I have been where you are. I know how bad it can feel.