Good question. My T asked me to think back to a time in my life when I felt happy. I thought long and hard. Other than moments of being ecstatic about, say, a new b/f or happy in buying some new clothes . . things like that, no, I have never really felt happy. In between I was eh, ok. As a child I was made to keep things to myself, never shown how to talk about emotions; I wasn't really allowed to have any feelings of my own and certainly not shown how to appropriately express emotions.
As you said, it always felt/feels like something is missing ~ a void that says keep searching and the one that continues to come up at least somewhat empty and unsure. I am so disappointed by this as I don't feel at all 'whole.' I have always looked externally for things/people to make me happy. impulsively I would go and get some sort of FIX and then it would end until the next time. I feel I need to keep looking within myself . . . but I am still at a loss at exactly what it is I am supposed to be searching for. More recently I feel I need to keep looking for ME . . . the one I seemed to have lost, and yet the one that I have never really known.