I've been depressed for years for a multitude of reasons, but one thing that's added to my depression fairly recently is my love for one of my friends.

We met in high school and we would hang out on an almost daily basis since we lived pretty close to each other. After a while I fell in love with her, but she didn't share the sentiments. I stayed friends with her hoping she would change her mind. (That wasn't the only reason, but the main one.) Unfortunately, I moved to another state for a while because of school and we fell out of contact for a year. When I came back, I got back in contact with her only to find out she moved further away, and she got herself a new man and a baby on the way! I was shattered. We still hung out occasionally during her pregnancy as well as afterwards. Now, however, it feels like her job and her family have gotten in the way of our friendship, and it's like she's grown apart from me. We don't hang out, and I think the last time we talked was over two months ago.

Right now, I'm trying to forget about her. But the fact is, she was the first girl I ever really fell in love with, and I still think about her a lot. I still want her. It's not fair... I can't be her friend because I love her too much, and my feelings with her have always gotten in the way. However, some part of me wonders if she feels the same way. I will never forget one time we were hanging out and our bodies were close to each other for a while, and I could swear that I felt something between us. It was as if this was the way things were meant to be: her and me together. (I tend to go with my gut feelings on certain things because they've yet to prove me wrong, but I hold a sliver of doubt just in case.) There are other things that she's done that make me wonder if she at least toyed with the idea of us being together.

I don't want to forget about her, but it hurts too much to think about her. I don't know what to do.