I really don't know this answer. I am confident I have the symptoms of schizophrenia not some stupid psychosis **** from depression or dysthmia. I honestly don't know who trains these damn therapist's I get. Seriously I am very angry at so many people who they say are schizophrenic and I am not. I don't pretend believe because I am confused or delusional. They literally say schizophrenics don't know they are schizophrenic, well that's a crock of ******** from those Dr's I see, because how in living hell people with the disorder are diagnosed and treated for it. I had these guys for the past 5 years and all my therapists from childhood till now are all crap and quacks. I never want to go back to a shrink unless the person really knows and actually has factual stuff based on my recent behavior in a matter what they observed in a couple sessions. I don't mean diagnose me off the bat, but jeez don't throw me under the rug as I am not important to be a human. I mean I feel the dr's I had are out to get me and my mom is not helping with her emotional abuse. I don't remember who I am. I see things all the time since birth. I don't know my earliest memories of this is a hallucination I feel all the time and it's hell. That I feel someone is touching me with hands and I can't feel comfortable to verbalize my feelings around family or friends, because they will neglect me further forcing to commit suicide. I have no one to go to the only people I am truly friends with are my friends, but not them physically instead the thought of the good qualities of them I have talking with them when not around them alone isolated in my room. I enjoy long term isolation over many weeks. I am bout 20 years old, I am untreated and neglected since I was a child. I have been a survivor of every kind of abuse and still go through it still. I use the internet as my savior or my relief, because I don't know who I really am. I suffered brain damage at 16 from life threatening neuro disease encephalytis which was 87% fatal in my case. I am grateful everyday to be having to oppurtunity to help myself, but rather regret living at the same time because the indifference I receive and the fact I have to abuse myself by starvation or no sleeping to prove a point. I do this all the time and no one helps or is convinced I need help. Besides if I killed myself my efforts would be in vein, because no one could help me and I just wasted everyone's time. I mean they can say I am depressed, but you know what made me depress is what my therapists are too damn stupid to answer. If I was paid as much as the guys in my city to tell 90% of all the patients they are bipolar to anger issues, from schizophrenic to just psychosis, or dysthmic to eating disorders. I mean they label the wrong thing based on more pronounced qualities not all of the negative qualities. Also they haven't cared bout my health. I am hopeless right now, because regardless I lose my reality. My therapist will keep saying, you don't have schizophrenia, I mean it felt devestating but in my mind I felt I have lost my will to live because he said that and now my life will downward spiral till I actually die, because of now dealings of neglect indifference and lies I get from authority and family/friend figures. I always here voices in my head telling me to "go **** yourself even posting this will get **** on because you aren't good enough." I mean I am told in my head that, "if you weren't so pathetic I wouldn't had girlfriends who would like to have sex with guys in front of you to make you cry." I mean what do you call that. I experienced this all my life untreated and medication drugs etc have made it much worse, because of no support what so ever. I have clearly given up after 15 years of being aware of it even remotely. I mean if you don't think I am schizophrenic either. I mean all hope is lost I'll just stay awake till I collapse randomly and smack my head against something or fall on the ground idk. I don't remember who I am or what this is I am forced to keep on typing and I don't know who is doing it.