Hello anony. I hope things are calming down a bit for you at this time. Are you seeing a therapist, there is a lot of therapy out there that can help you refocus your energies on helping yourself feel better and not so overwhelmed all of the time about disease. There is also medicaiton available for you as well that can help with the panic and the fear and the thoughts you are having. You are not alone or strange, at all you just have a mental health disorder that entails being afraid of getting diseases. Getting professional help will help you tremendously and help you to go on with your life. Take care sincerely Soidhonia