I completely understand your pain for reasons I won't go into. What I can say is that you deserve to be around people who think kindly of you and treat you like they'd want to be treated.

Probably like many others here, I'm mortified by how these men are treating you. I am a total stranger to you and even I can tell that you're articulate and truthful. There: a person you don't even know has two good things to say about you. Imagine what light you can bring to others who are open-minded and get to know you.

I've never lived in India so I can only sympathize. But I do live in a neighborhood where I am the only non-Indian person for about 3 blocks. Many (not all, of course) are warm, kind and open-minded. Almost all are immigrants or first-generation. Every one of them is in IT.

Your quote about not letting go makes me want to cry. You sound like you are afraid. This is natural because change is sometimes difficult and sometimes painful. But it sounds like you're in a lot of pain without change.

About the cruel things people are saying about you. My mom told me something I carry to this day. Yes, words are like knives. But it's not the person saying cruel things who is stabbing you. It's you who are taking the knife they hand to you and stabbing yourself.

Please keep talking with people here. You deserve to be comfortable with yourself and in a place that's emotionally safe.