Thank the 3 of you for replying. I keep going back and forth between wanting to apologize and risk [ being very cruel to me, and just throwing in the towel because I know [ sees me around and doesn't seem to want anything to do with me (although my best friend thinks that maybe [ is just waiting for me to be the one to say something).
I will adress all3 of you individually in this post as follows:
@Technigal
I've had friends who acted like the friend you are describing. None of them got under my skin quite like [.
@TruthinRuin I really want too, but I'm not sure it would help. [ is stubborn just like me. [ is similar to me in many ways, maybe that's why this is so hard. Even if [ never wants anything to do with me ever again, I just wish I knew if [ ever considered me a friend, or if the people who tried to warn me about ['s predatory, dictatory nature were right.
@Love/Hate09 I've tried and chickened out 3 times now in the last 6 months. I was also too involved with my own problems and alcohol abuse to appreciate the friendship. I just wish [ understood that and that I am not who I used to be. I mean if [ was willing to be my friend when I was the most screwed up I have ever been, why not at least be willing to hear me out sober? Then that's when the thoughts that maybe others were right about me being used start flooding my mind and it hurts.