I can totally empathize with what you are feeling. It is absolute hell losing a parent and then having family members turn away. Have you considered going to a grief support group in your area (call your local crisis or distress line they may have a number for a grief support group you can go to). Allow yourself to cry don't hold back the tears. Do something to honour your dad's memory.....something that would make him happy. Also, you may want to go see your family doctor just for a physical exam....see how you are doing both physically & psychologically. Stay connected with ppl you feel you can open up to about you trauma and keep yourself safe.