Healingme4me,
Hmmm it is just - all guys I've seen here... Seem to be the same. He says that he is big-hearted to forgive me for my past and so I must accept his anger. If all men are going to be so, I just feel like biting my teeth and bear all this. It hurts - physically hurts, mentally hurts - but what should I do.

He is right though I am already touched by someone else - am not a virgin - and I have kissed others before him - it does bring down my value when it comes to marriage as a girl...? i am confused - people say it is ok - leave - can find others who are better - but what if this is how my life will be? I know that he keeps saying he feels no pleasure in sex with me - that I am just too loose and damaged completely - I even told him it probably has nothing to do with having had sex before but I also don't know about it enough and if I do know enough, he hates that I know such details. It is just too much and there is no one I could talk to about all these details