I hide my self injury feelings/desires away from my husband because I am afraid that I will wear him out and he will leave me. This is after he has proved to me a million times over that he has no intention of ever leaving me, that he loves me with all his heart and that he needs me as much as I need him. Even though he has shown me this repeatedly I still can't trust him with my self injury. He does not know I hurt myself a few days ago. He suspects that I am struggling now but I can't tell him. I feel sorry for him because he is worried about me but I am not giving him any information so he is in the dark just wondering how bad it is this time. Sigh. Maybe that is something I need to change?

My therapist gave me an idea when I left town a few months ago to help me with the seperation anxiety. He suggested that my hubby and I plan a few things to do at the same time even though we were far apart. That way I would feel a connection to him even though he wasn't near me. A couple of ideas is picking out a movie that both of you will watch one night or you each can write a note to each other and open them at the same time during the middle of the week and read them. I also took one of my husband's shirts with me to sleep in. Putting it on at night felt like I was wrapping him around me. You could get a new shirt each weekend for the following week.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft