Wow, Crimson, your story sounds almost identical to mine. Everything you said really connects with me, and the things you experienced were really similar to mine. In another post, I read that you wished someone could help you in this process, of dealing with ptsd and other things that you're going through. I really hope you're not alone in this, and that all of us are always willing to help you, and if you ever need someone to talk to, or to just listen, i'm only a pm away - please do! As far as cutting goes, I did it for a while as well as a "physical manifestation" of what I was feeling, and it really helped me cope with the violent, traumatizing flash-backs of my past. For me, it was an escape. But, like most things, I wound up getting addicted, and started hurting myself on a daily basis, just to go by. I hope that you find a way to deal with the memories, and the pain, and the self-injury. I've recently stopped my self-injury, but some days it's so hard to not do it. I really hope that you find what you're looking for, here at pc