So... if karma really is a true phenomenon, I must be paying for something REALLY bad.

I suffered my 5th lay off in June of this past year, and despite my efforts, nothing seems to be coming through. I have a looming Unemployment Benefit deadline and I am starting to panic.

I'm just over everything. My life seemingly stopped on 2/7/2012 when my baby brother hung himself. Despite that, I put on a brave face and attended the corporate meeting of the company that canned me 10 months later just 3 days after burying him. That seemed to be all that kept me going.

After that layoff, I took a job with a company with SOOO much promise (yeah right) making about 1/3 of what I used to, but it was a lot less travel. 6 months later, I get the boot again.

I can't help but realize that the only constant in this equation is ME. I get laid off because the companies can't FIRE me. I do my job... most often TOO well and to my detriment.

Most recently I was diagnosed with OCPD which has shed a lot of light on things (thought I was seeing a shrink to deal with grief following my brother's death and I get diagnosed), but it doesn't make things easier.

I'm anxious and/or sad and angry ALL the time and I can no longer afford therapy because of my financial situation. The only thing that keeps me from following in my brother's footsteps is the memories of my Dad's sobs at his funeral.

I did everything right. I went to school, got straight A's, go above and beyond on EVERY job I get, yet I keep getting canned. I just want to die...