I am seeing my worker next week so I gotta get through this week.. However her colleague is ringing my tomorrow and I know I should tell her what is going on in my head.. But I feel shy around new people.. I think I keep it inside till I see my worker next Tuesday..

I will end up in hospital, they have already told me if things gets worst I will be admitted.. But I can't go in there cos I need to be strong for my family.. They need me right now.. I can't break down, I can't fall..

I am so scared.. Jade keeps crying and telling me that she is scared and alone and what with the thoughts and feelings I am having right now.. I do want to be dead..

Its been 5 weeks today that she died.. Its been the hardest five weeks of my life.. I can't deal with this anymore..

Claire..