I was so terribly, terribly depressed for so long. I was to the point of thinking of every way I could commit suicide. I didn't want to kill myself, but I couldn't stop the thoughts. I told my new pdoc and he sent me to the crisis stabilization unit for 3 days. It helped me greatly..I got back on my meds and started my therapy back. I realized that my only option was to get better, and I'm determined to do so. My girls need me!

However, I think I may be going into mania. I've been super hyper and talkative since Thursday. I'm not sleeping much. I want to finish my Granny's quilts, paint the bathroom, color my hair a really red color, and get my hair cut (I've been trying to let it grow out). These are things that I do when manic. But last night I also did something that I would NEVER do. I got a call from a girl I met in the CSU (only 4 days ago). She needed a place to sleep for the night. I drove 30 minutes to get her, bought her supper (even though I only had less than $20 to my name). Then let her sleep on my..err my boyfriend's couch (since HE owns the house). I slept in my bedroom, of course, but I didn't even shut the door, let alone lock it. This is something I NEVER do...I don't even let friends come over when my boyfriend isn't home, yet I let an almost complete stranger sleep over. I even gave her $3 this morning so she could buy cigarettes and took her into the next town over to get a ride to a shelter! This is SO out of character for me. The only sane thing I did was text my little sister and told her the girl's name, just in case. Is this mania? I don't know. I talked to my therapist about it, but she didn't say anything..she just took notes. I really don't want to be manic..I don't want that crash when it ends. My hope is that it's the meds, maybe??