LMO said it all. You are so level headed and kind and thoughtful to everyone here. Your music you posted last summer is amazing and I truly beleive that you are going to "make it." Big time Have faith. Sometimes I think some of us have had to keep so much locked up we don't know how to release it till it explodes out of us. I know after I have my moments I feel better and refreshed ready to go on till the next round. If I can cry and release some of it before I get to that point it helps me. Otherwise I just get number and number. But my pattern is to withdraw, not eat properly, not talk and even though I think I won't let it happen again it does. But each time I learn a little. It is easier to see others clearly and not ourselves. We keep tally of our faults not our good points. I am trying to change that. A friend gave me homework. To find one good thing about myself every day and do one thing I love every day. Its hard. I feel frozen to even try. Maybe that idea can help you too. Good Luck