I remember being truly happy as a very young child, I have happy memories from that time and I look at pictures and can see that I was happy, I looked happy.. like you could see it in my eyes, it was like a light was there and I was beaming with confidence. Then around about the time I was 4-5 my mom left her fiance who was like a dad to me, I adored him and he was included in all of my happy memories. My mom left him to marry some abusive-alcoholic asshole and I didn't like him so she left me to be raised with my grandparents and she was only a "mother" to me when it was convenient for her. I was heartbroken and have been depressed ever since, I remember all too vividly waking up every morning being really tired and having no motivation, I used to wear sweat pants/shirts because they were easy to put on and some pink boots because I didn't want to die my shoes and I didn't brush my hair or teeth. Kids were really mean to me, I think they could sense that I was depressed and so they rejected and bullied me.. my life has been a troubled one. Although there was period in 2012 where I felt fairly "content"- not exactly happy but I had broken up with someone and just felt very free and oddly confident and stopped caring about what others thought and was doing what I needed to for myself.. although it completely disappeared around Christmas and I've been depressed ever since.