Are you, and is your bf, open to the idea of your going back to counseling, to work through this?

Even, when we feel, we've resolved things, from our pasts and previous relationships, there's sometimes, underlying aspects that we weren't aware of previously. It can, take, much longer, than originally anticipated, when there was childhood abuse, then abuse in marriage(s).

You mention your bf here, as though, he's certainly a good guy, worthy of marriage. Yet, I wonder what it is, about family time, with his family, that gives you the willies? Have you, met them before?

I can appreciate hesitancy, with the idea/concept of marriage, post-divorce. Would marrying you, be your BF's first time, marrying? Sounds like an ultimatum.