Only two weeks have passed since my father died. He was not a very nice man although did have some very fine qualities.
I've never lost someone close before my father. I want to just grieve for the loss, but to do that I have to hold him in a dishonest light. When I start to allow myself to feel plain sadness and nostalgia I have to stop so I don't remember him as I wanted him to be instead of how he was.
I feel foggy, detached, mixed up, and my head or stomach have taken a leading role in making me feel ill.

I do not want to get called into the darkness of depression over this.
My body won't let me ignore it.

Where to begin?