I relate to all of the posts in this thread. I intellectually know that my T is not the answer, and that asking her to meet my unmet needs is futile, yet I still hold onto some irrational wish that she can give me what I missed. For about a year, when she let me hold her hand, I felt like I was getting some of that. It felt wonderful. Then she decided it wasn't helping me, so she stopped.

I don't know if that was the right decision on her part or not because it hurt me so much. But knowing that T is not the answer, it makes sense that she didn't want me to rely on her to make me feel good. She still makes me feel good, but in a more therapeutic way that focuses on my real life outside of her office.

Maggyjo, it's really hard when therapy gives us a taste of what we missed. We want more and more of the "good stuff" our T gives us. If you haven't discussed what you posted here, with your T, I would suggest doing so. Sometimes changing Ts is the answer, but sometimes, like in my case, the pattern transfers from one T to another. I hope that your T will have some suggestions for you.