I'm not exactly sure that I completely understand where your coming from but I imagine that although its on a different level...its along the same lines. Accepting that you must be hurt in order to sustain, exist, continue is in my opinion, a lot like a deserving to be punished. It reminds me (a bit off topic) of a person whose been kidnapped and abused for so long that they start to actually like or defend their captor. Its not because they deserve it - it just simply is; a way of life.

I get what you're saying though about not always doing it as a punishment, sometimes I do it - not because I feel it "must be" but simply because "I want to". There's nothing that triggers it during those times - its simply a release that I desire to obtain.

Not sure if I helped...just my take on the post.