Yeah, i'm not that great at articulating verbally, so I get it. If it helps... I don't think "I'm bad, unworthy, etc... let me cut..." Usually its more subconscious. I'll feel upset about something totally irrelevant to self and engage as a relief - and then I can often (but not always) link it to some self relevant meaning.

What i've found myself doing lately is replaying the convo T and I had about si - about how I feel in the moment, how I felt in the moments leading up to it, how do I feel when I am done, etc. Usually the line of questioning, imagining her response and so forth helps me identify better (though not always justified) reasons as to why exactly i'm doing what i'm doing.

But again, sometimes I just self harm when I want to (specifically purging seeing as I could care less about losing weight, I just do it.)