Sounds like you could really use a good T & learn & get a chance to practice all those skills your family wasn't capable of teaching you as a child....the things that are the common sense skills we all need to function in a reasonable way.

Most people aren't taught these skills.....mostly because almost every family is dysfunctional in one way of another....but we end up messed up later on in our life because of it....but the mind is always capable of change when we finally learn & practice ways that are acceptable.

The emotions you describe are normal from all you have gone through.....but normal doesn't mean healthy....it's just that others would end up with similar problems given if they went through similar experiences as you have.

I found good therapy where they offered DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy).....it was initially designed for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) but in fact.....most people in this world could benefit by learning the skills taught in DBT.

Strongly suggest for your well being & for your marriage's well being that you do get into therapy & process all these things that you have mentioned here along with learning skills to get you through the rough emotional times.