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mouse_ said:

I saw how my world has remained stuck in my head...how the groove of fear has been playing and playing in the background keeping me partly stuck in the past...when all the evidence points to me being here now and alive and that my life has had some wonderful moments also..

DOes anyone relate to this?

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I can relate. I can finnally see how all this has affected everything in my life. How each time someone stuck another label on me I have been retraumatised. Each time I have tried to reach out for help and been abandoned, called names I have been retraumitised. The thing I am struggling wtih is how to turn it around. I know the tools. Think positive Do positive things but what to do when after getting up and on my horse so many times I have decided to stay on the ground. Its not a decision its just happening. Since Christmas I think I have been processing a lot of what happened and suddenly I too can SEE the horror of it. And am starting to feel it and realise how it happened.But I feel stuck. Have you had this happen? Its almost like I am trying to hurt myself by not helping myself. I hear your joy though at this break through. When that happens it is so powerful. Now if I could get there myself again.