Montague
I have DDNOS & I understand having protectors, alters & aggressors. Was she also diagnosed w/ PTSD? There's something else there. Is she working w/ a T that specializes in DID or PTSD. There are special facilities she can go to where she can work on this. Sounds like the problem is distance & now your children are involved. Can you research if there's a facility in her area? Do you think she would go? That's a good question bec the alter that seems to be speaking sounds like they won't make that an option.
You do have to protect yourself & your children. They need to come first now. Yes she does need professional help, but she has to want it & needs to get it herself, you can't force her. DID is a long T process but there are many success stories.
If there's anything I can help explain or even listen to, please pm me. I wish you all the best. You're very brave for staying in her life. Most people run from DID