I am so sorry that you're experiencing so many blows and so much pain. I am especially sorry about your brother. That has to be absolutely horrible. I know how it feels when things pile up and it's one thing after the other. I wonder if you have someone you can talk to, face to face? It is possible to see a therapist even with financial difficulties. You have to do some research and look to find what your particular city or location offers as far as health and mental health care for a low or no cost. I know even that kind or research can be so daunting when you're feeling overwhelmed-why I was asking if there is someone who might be able to support you and help you through these steps. Please hang on. I know that when things are so dark and so painful it feels like things will never change but that is not the case. There are people out there who do care and who want to help you-and you deserve that. You deserve some peace and happiness. I hope you will return and give an update on how you are doing.