When I feel normal, I feel like I'm hanging in the balance...waiting for the other shoe to drop. I never question the fact that I need medicine to have some semblance of normality, or not being run by my emotions so harshly. I tried weaning off the lamotrigine but I couldn't handle the surge of intense emotions. The mania is mostly gone, unfortunately. Even more unfortunate is that the depression remains. Just coming out of another debilitating episode, I realized I need counseling along with meds. So I made an appointment, but it's not until 11-10. In the meantime I feel good. It's hard to start counseling when I feel good. I feel like I don't need it. But I know I do because when the depression returns, which it always does, I will need talk therapy. I've been on this carousel before. It's time to move forward. So while I embrace this remission, I also fear it. It can mislead me and I will find myself alone and unequipped to deal with the depression. I just don't want to do this anymore.

Anybody want to share experiences of your remissions and how you dealt with it? It helps me, hearing about what others are going through or have endured due to this bipolar disorder. It helps me identify and put a name to, or clarify what emotions are surrounding me and will eventually engulf me again. I find it so hard to live like this, ruled by how I am feeling and not having any control over it.
Thanks for listening