I've been going on my FB page more often since I saw T's FB page. I posted photos from my trip, and I added some friends. I realized this week that I'm addicted to it, and it's not good for me. It's making me crazy! I keep checking to see if anyone has "liked" or commented to me. Not many have, probably because I never used to go on FB much at all. I check constantly, like every 10 minutes when I'm on line, or maybe more often!

I talked about my pattern, too. My T thinks it's all related: idolizing her and others in my past, wanting comments on FB, and wanting responses on PC. I'm excited and happy when I start out, but I get disappointed easily because I always want MORE! Would 20 responses or "likes" on FB be enough? Is it ever enough on PC? Is the caring T gives me enough? She says we have to keep working on ME feeling good about myself, and not wanting others to "like" me, post to me, or praise me.

She says internet addiction is very common, but for me it's worse because of my neediness, and the cycle it sets up in me. I agree. I've been very anxious about it this week. She says I should NOT get a phone with internet! I must be the only one in the world not to have one, but she says if I do it will not be good for me.

So, we made a list of things I can do instead of FB and PC. I said I have to check my emails because I get schedules about classes I attend, and some people only correspond via email. Some of the things are: draw, paint, read, go for a walk, cook, call a friend on the phone. Clean my house, but that's no fun! When I feel anxious and /or sad because I want to check FB or PC, I'm supposed to do something else.

I'm going on PC Tuesdays and Saturday nights; at least I'm to try for a week, T says. FB once/week.

I'll read any responses here tonight and then not until Saturday night. I guess that means no replying to threads either. She suggested setting a timer instead but I don't that will work for me.

So, I'm so sick of this pattern and the spiraling to highs and lows, that I'm going to try. I know it's not the whole answer to my pattern, but it is true that I do it because it feels good at first, and then it feels terrible (like idolizing T). I said maybe the meds would have helped, but she said I can do this--without meds!!