My father died 2 years ago and that was when things got complicated

I am an only child and when I was little my dad was my hero, the best daddy in the whole world to me. He would play games with me and we had a lot of fun. But when I was around 5 yo he started drinking. His choleric nature showed more and more and I got really confused because he was not the dad I knew he was becoming scary and angry. I did not understand why one day he is really nice and next he is really mean to me and shouting at me for nothing.
With time he was nearly never nice again and only the "scary" father would be present. I felt really sad and I missed my "nice" dad. When I got older I realized that dad is never coming back and that this father looks like him but he is not the same person. I did not really have the chance to grieve him though.

When i was 18 yo I left home and my parents divorced. I had to go and "check" my father every weekend. He started to just drink all day long and did not care about anything. Did not clean his place or wash himself. He made a lot of debts, crashed his car, ruined his house... I had to pay a lot of things and organize so he would not end up homeless. He was still being very verbally and emotionally abusive to me. I worked full time and studied university at the same time. Nodoby from my family ever asked me if I need help or if I am coping ok, nobody cared. And me being me I did not say anything and just did everything in my power to seem OK.

When I was 24yo my father got cancer and was ill for 2 years. He was home the whole time his mother helped me because he needed basic care 24/7 and I was at work. That were hard times. He was in a lot of pain and I just felt pity for him. I only wished to hear him say sorry, to explain why, to make it all better ...but that is a movie stuff doesn´t happen in real life. He just died.

I felt great relief and guilt for feeling this way but that was about it. I already lost my dad when I was 5 years old.
Week after my father´s funeral my mother got diagnosed with terminal brain cancer with expectancy to live aproximately 6 months. She decided to fight and had brain surgery, chemo and radio therapy and all that. She got better and is still here 2 years later.

Unfortunately since my father´s death and mother´s diagnosis I went numb and became completely out od energy and motivation. I have great difficulty finishing my school where I have last step to take to have masters, I don´t do my job at all. And I had a breakdown and kinda lost it. So here I am.