Last night I felt horrible and alone. My friend. My only friend who I can talk openly to about my bipolar is moving to the coast. I cried for a long time last night. I was going to take a prn and thought, wait a minute... This is just normal sadness. So I suffered it instead of numbing it. It didn't feel good at the time, but I'm glad today because in suffering I came to some conclusions that I couldn't see last night. 1. We mostly talk on the phone and his numbers not changing, so that part will stay the same. 2. We can also e-mail. I can do that. It really isn't changing that much. He has given me both of those.

Maybe I was grieving because of something bigger or deeper. The final realization that we will never be more than friends when I finally found the a person who likes me just the way I am. And he has seen me at my worst and still likes me, but just as a friend. Everyone needs friends. I was just having a moment last night.

Damn these hormones!