it was in my five year plan to go back to school and get my masters degree. I really wanted a masters degree because I work professionally and get called to testify on the witness stand for work I do and thought it would look better if I had a masters. I really had no intention of doing anything else with it than for personal satisfaction. well on the spur of the moment, I enrolled in the masters program this year, way sooner than my five year plan, but my GRE scores expired this year and I didn't want to take them again, so I thought what the hell. my original plan was online school but now I am going to the local university. I thought classes would be like they were before, all on one day, back to back, but they are two days a week taking me away from my prime working hours at work. although I have gone in early to make up the hours I miss, my boss cut me back a day a week because I am going to school. I have panic disorder with agoraphobia. any change to my routine in extremely unsettling. school has been very difficult for me. I have taken more klonopin just to be there than I have in the last three years. I have lost a whole dress size due to the stress. work exhausts me. im not sleeping well, waking up all night long. im constantly worrying about the program and how am I going to handle it. what is worse is that I have to do an internship which will be two days a week on top of a class and how will I afford to live when my hours are cut back to 2 1/2 days per week. my boss will cut me back again instead of letting me find ways to make up the time and then I will not have a job to come back to. my security is threatened. I just cant see worrying about this for the next four years. I literally flee the campus after class right now. I have almost got into accidents twice and hit pedestrians in the crosswalk by being so anxious trying to get out of there. so I figure the best thing to do is drop out. I just hate that I am letting my anxiety run my life. I always try to push through it for the big stuff and I feel like I am letting it win. how can I see it another way?