This reminds me of me before my current boyfriend and I got together (minus the threats of physical violence). Did you try mentioning your hunch she has BPD? I am a borderline and one of the first things my boyfriend did was ask about it and then helped me seek treatment and find help. I assure you if she is, she is unhappy and while I don't know of she'd accept any help from you now in getting treated or seen by a psychiatrist (depends if she's completely demonized you or not), that maybe that'd be one way to still love her by teaching her to love herself.
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