I did impulsive things starting at about 6 years old. Maybe that's just when I remember from. Like picking every feather out of a down filled coat. When my Mom came to discipline me I could see her killing me in my mind. So I screamed and ran away. I was my parents weird child.

At 8 I had recurring visions of being beaten up. My Mom gave me make-up and I put bruises and cuts all over myself. My moms fear of me intensified.

My 1st experience with extreme sound sensitivity was around puberty with vacuuming. I remember then also starting to see the color red brighter then the other colors at certain times. I know now this is a symptom I get when I am hypo to manic.

As a teen I was very depressed. I often saw myself walking into traffic or being beat up, but I grew up this way and thought everyone's brains worked like that. My depression lead to a suicide attempt and my first hospitalization. The doctor misdiagnosed me with a personality disorder and then discharged me to my Dad with the words... Get her out of here she will never get well! I guess he was right in a way.

I impulsively got 6 holes pierced in my ears and dyed my hair purple. I don't know why and I wasn't rebelling. I'm from a religious family. My Mom lost it and I saw her killing me. I ran away from home.

I adopted this adventure seeking persona and took up thrill sports. It hid my quirks and my highs. Off and on I would go and see a GP for depression and I would take a few pills and be very cured. I never sought treatment for my mania. I felt like I was normal and the rest of the world was flat-line. I still fought visions in my head. I had auditory music hallucinations. I sometimes couldn't get out of bed.

One time in early spring I rowed my kayak across the lake practicing my eskimo rolls as I went. I felt so talented that I didn't need my floatation or dry suit. I got half-way across and ended up out of my boat and swimming dragging a sinking kayak with me. I had hypothermia by the time I got to shore and at one point nearly fell asleep swimming.

At 24 a GP convinced me to go see a psychiatrist. I had an intense fear because of the treatment I got as a teen. At 25 I was properly diagnosed and it felt like a huge relief. I had been trying to control something that wasn't controllable without help.