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I've never taken the GRE's, but I like editing and eventually want to get into publishing, so I took a look. I can't really give you a grade because I have no idea what kind of rubric they're using or what they're looking for.
But... I hate to say it... I was thoroughly confused for most of your essay....
You have a lot of little mistakes that really distract from the reading (Their's instead of there's, companies instead of company's, etc).
Your first sentence doesn't really make any sense. "The advertising director of the Super Screen Movie Production Company suggests that allocating a greater share of the companies budget next year would increase exposure to the public resulting in higher attendance rates, increased positive reviews and consumers." Allocating the greater share of the budget where? Even though he's the advertising director, you still need to be specific with what he wants to do with the money. You can allocate money anywhere; he could be suggesting that more money should go to writing, or set design, or any number of things. And.. consumers what? Increase exposure to the public resulting in...consumers?
Your second paragraph is also pretty confusing. For starters, you start out with 10 movies in your example but end with 12 movies. You talk about changing the number to a percentage, but then you don't actually use a percentage in your example. I'd also suggest writing out large numbers -- fifty thousand, etc.
Your third paragraph starts off talking about a statement. I had to read it through a couple times to realize the statement you were talking about was the first sentence of your essay. I think you should more fully explain the connection you make between the advertising director's statement and it inferring certain things. Your reader might not make the same connections.
I personally didn't find your fifth paragraph very convincing for your argument. Your reader might get caught up on using the word advertisement so frequently, especially when you pair it with ineffective and effective very close together. I think the questions make it sound like you don't know what you're talking about it. But you do know, so make it a statement and say it with confidence.
I'm sorry I don't have better news, but I think you're off to a good start. How does the GRE writing section work? Do you get a prompt and then a certain amount of time? The way I've been taught to do those types of essays (you tend to do a few of them as an English major...), is that you should brainstorm first and figure out what you want to say by writing an outline. That'll make writing the essay easier, plus help keep you on track and help you remember everything you wanted to write down.
If there's anything else I can do to help, let me know! Good luck!
Last edited by RomanSunburn; Oct 30, 2013 at 09:25 PM.
Reason: Wonky formatting
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