Hello Jacq. Have you thought about seeing another Dr that understands SI and your confusion? I dont usually suggest getting another Dr but in your case I feel that it may be necessary to get the help you need. There are many programs in the County that are free and medicaiton is Free and I feel strongly that if you are this confused and your therapist is wanting you to participate and you are drownding in confusion, then you need to see a more qualified counselor for your benefit. I hope the best for you, journaling may help you tremendously sort out your feelings as well. Let us know what happens. Soidhonia