Symptoms started at 12 for me. I never suspected I had a mental illness, I thought everyone self harmed but no one talked about it. I thought everyone had anxiety (I didnt even know what it was at the time). Through my teenage years I went through a few ups but long downs. I thought it was just how life was (hence the first suicide attempt at 14, if this was just how life was, I didnt want to live it). No one found out about it so I continued to struggle on.

Just after I turned 17 I attempted suicide again after the end of high school and heavily binge drinking, partying and hooking up with randoms on leavers week. Thats when people started to suspect that I wasnt "right". I had a gap year and worked, had no clue how to really care for myself so spent a lot of time broke and drunk cycling more than I ever had before, lost my drivers license for drink driving and almost lost my job a few times (I was very productive during my hypomanias, I think that was why they didnt give up on me). The parties and raves were unbelievably fun but I spent a lot of time in tears and self harming. It was a very rollarcoaster year, one of the best but one of the worst of my life.

At 18 I went to uni, but the move to the city and moving house, and going back to study triggered a severe depression. I got too anxious to even leave the house. I stopped eating, sleeping, talking, barely moved off my bed. Eventually my friend couldnt handle me and told my parents. Diagnosed with major depression and started the med ride, which lead me to being hospitalized for 3 months and the diagnosis of BP II.