I did have a hard period with my T where I couldn't "want" anything on my own ask I felt my stepmother had already wanted me to want that :-) It was like everything I did was related to my stepmother instead of to me or "my" interests. Would relate to your thought about maintaining the false self/trying to find the true self. But I don't know. . . I've always been pretty sure of my "core" self and mostly just feel like I got battered by my stepmother and created a maze to escape, only got lost in my own maze.

I believe not doing someone one allegedly wants is either "wishing" one wanted it or fear of some sort getting in the way; procrastination isn't a problem in itself in other words but a symptom of something else. I try not to pay attention to symptoms other than occasionally using them to help me find the actual problem so I can work on it. I think symptoms are good things, markers and/or attempts to solve a problem. I don't think we should ever be ashamed of our symptoms as I believe that is a form of being ashamed of ourselves for coming up with a solution to a problem we have, even if the solution doesn't work well anymore or we'd like to find a better one.