It seems that it always happens this way. No matter what happens, I always turn my wrath inward and want to hurt myself. I start having obsessive thoughts about SH. I can imagine how it feels and what my legs would look like as blood comes out in sheets. I don't understand what is wrong with me. Why are my thoughts so violent and my anger always turned inward? I'm handling the urge at the moment, executing my crisis plan and reaching out and distracting till the urge subsides but it is so f***ing hard. I want to give up.

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