HAMSTERGIRL: that is one of the reasons i have trouble with emotions, too. i got yelled at and hit more if i cried. if i could stop crying, then he would stop hitting. the weird thing that happened with that for me, though, is that i can still cry, but i can't feel the feelings of fear that used to make me cry. the way i stopped myself from crying when i was getting hit was by stopping myself from feeling afraid. one time in therapy, my feelings of fear came up and my T knew this was a golden opportunity for healing, so she asked me to follow the feelings. that's when i ended up thinking she was going to beat me. i had to shut the fear off right away in order to feel safe.

i also know what you mean about writing things dispassionately. i do this, too. they sound very powerful, but when i'm writing them i don't feel the feelings i'm talking about. it's the same when i (attempt to) share stories of being abused or hurt somehow. no feelings. my T said it's like she's listening to a guest speaker rather than someone trying to share their pain.

ETHERSVIRTUE: how were emotions handled in your house?

SweetCrusader

"Blessed be the cracked, for they let in the light"
-Author Unknown