I was at work today and after coming back from lunch I kept have constant thoughts and urges about suicide. I even looked up how much Xanax it would take to cause an overdose. I took a break and then asked my manager to give me 20 minuets to pull myself together. I tried texting my best friend for some help, but she said she was busy and couldn't talk. I was kind of glad about it because she's pregnant and I didn't want to add more stuff other mind.

So I texted her husband, which looking back on it was a pretty crappy thing to do. But he's been thru these kinds of things before (although, it's sounding to me like he hadn't had the exact same feelings). I don't think he was understanding what I was saying though. I was trying to get him to talk me down a ledge, where I think he was trying to think about more long term solution. He says that I should try to find things that should make me happy and focus on those. He said that until I find those things he doesn't know how to help me.
I had a breakdown at work and asked to leave early. The only thing I told the manager ( in between sobs) was I needed to not be there right now. He agreed and let me go.
I've since calmed down a little since then but my thoughts are still there. They were MUCH more intense at work.

How do I stop these thoughts? I can't get any relief from my friends and I don't want to keep bugging my T cause I already email her too much as it is. Do you find that distracting yourself works better? Talking to someone and if who.