Had another appointment today. I don't think it went very well. It was like I suddenly forgot how to freaking speak. Everything I wanted to say was suddenly forgotten. But there's always next time, I guess.

Feeling... apathetic. When I tried to enjoy Halloween, I realized with a sudden jolt that I am completely apathetic about everything this year. I thought, maybe, I could at least enjoy Halloween. But I couldn't. I'm not looking forward to Christmas, nor Thanksgiving, nor New Years. Not even my birthday in January. I'm not looking forward to anything. It's more like I'm just trudging through life, day by day, stuck in monotony. I realized with a sudden jolt that I'm joyless. Unless I'm in an elevated state, there simply is no joy for me anymore. None.

So, I'm sitting here in bed. Wondering what to do, but realizing that I won't enjoy it either way.

Ups? None that I can think of.
Downs? Everything.