You're not wrong to want these things, but they are unfortunately unlikely to happen. I think it would be better to work on accepting that you won't get what you need from your mother and putting yourself and your own family first.

The only thing I want from my mother is for her to acknowledge and take accountability of her actions. To understand that her actions have caused me a great deal of pain.

Believe me I understand. Of course you want this. But unfortunately I don't think your mother is capable of giving you what you need.

And if she doesn't keep your rules, don't take your kids to her house. It's time to start setting some boundaries.