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Nov 01, 2013, 05:39 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 101
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P { margin-bottom: 0 In the lasssEarlier this week I applied for a job at a major company here, and I can only describe the position there as a dream job for me! If I am accepted and I take the position there, it'll be the first full-time job I've ever had (I'm in my early 20s, on disability with Asperger's Syndrome), and I'll be starting at a wage of about $70, 000 to $80, 000/year  .
Now the issue I have is that I am worried all the changes I will have to make to work there will overwhelm me and I'll burn myself out (it's happened before)  . Change is hard for me to cope with, and such major changes in such a short period of time I fear could prove to be too much for me .
If I am accepted to work there, I will have to move across the country, and I've never lived on my own before and I'll lose all the disability/employment support I have here where I live . The organizations I am involved with here will help me find work and will intervene to support me if I am experiencing difficulties. Plus the added stress of working somewhere new and doing something I've never done before in a new place I am not familiar with .
One day I would like to work there, and in the future I can, but at this stage of my life, I don't think I am ready for it . Also, if I take the position and I buckle under the pressure from the job and the stress of the change, it'll be harder, if not impossible, to work there later on because the company has to invest so much money in me for me to work there.
Inside of me there is this battle. On the one hand, I feel it is too much, and I'd like to have more time to prepare for these kinds of changes. On the other hand, I feel like if I don't take the job and make a lot of money, I am a loser and a nobody! 
What makes me feel the most comfortable is if I could find something less intimidating and stressful where I live now, with the help of my disability/employment organizations, and once I have more experience and confidence, work towards better jobs like the one I am talking about.
But does it make me a loser if I do that? When I was working at a smaller company this month, I was making around $170/day, which I didn't think was too bad, but it certainly isn't incredible! My girlfriend has a Master's Degree from a prestigious university, and I don't want her or others to think I am a loser if my job kind of sucks and doesn't make a ton of money
My therapist says I am being 'wise' by knowing my limits and what I think I can do. She said it is like lifting weights. You don't start lifting the maximum weight, you start small and build up to the larger weights, which is what I want to do, but I am afraid my GF and others will think less of me if I don't have some wicked, high-paying job .
Can someone offer me some advice on what I should do?
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