I think the thoughts are more intense at work because I feel that a) it's one of my biggest triggers, and b) beacuse it's the only place I think I could actually do it. I don't want to do something at home and then have my family come by and find me, If that makes sense. I thought about going to the hospital, I just don't know how that's gonna go, I don't want my family to know I'm having all these thoughts and problems and I probably won't be allowed to have my cell phone and I don't want them to know where I am. I just don't want them to come and pity me, and then my dad would freak out and hold me hostage at his house... it's just not something I would look forward to. I wanted to talk to my friends about this so they will help me, but everyone has their own stuff going on. I tried talking to my T I called her today and emailed her last night and haven't heard from her. I spent 5 minutes in the restroom today with a blade trying to decide what I wanted to do. I couldn't do it then, but I cut the crap out of my wrist. I just don't see an end to all this crap and everyone says it will keep getting better but I only feel like it's gotten worse. I have no idea how it got this bad.